10 Ways to Know a Guy is NOT the One for You

Remember in grammar school when you practiced writing your name in cursive?

Maybe you added little hearts to dot your «i’s» and you thought it was so cute. And then in high school you played around with writing your full name, adding your crush’s last name onto yours. Sometimes writing just his last name; sometimes with your last name hyphen his last name. Later in college you stopped writing his name and started thinking more elaborately, compiling lists of all the qualities your dream guy would have.

Your mystery man on paper was tall, dark and handsome (among others). Then by the time you graduated into the adult world and had one or two (or many) break-ups, your list started to change shape a bit. Well, ladies I have a new list for you. Instead of dreaming up all the fabuliciousness we want our dream guys to be, how about a few traits to help us avoid Mr. Wrong (hopefully for the last time)? Here are 10 Ways to Tell a Guy is NOT the One for You:

He tells you he always knew he would end up with someone (much) younger than him. Okay, a lot of women go for older men. There’s the age-old excuse that girls mature faster than boys, but after a certain age, it’s a pretty level playing field so why isn’t he seeking out a woman his own age? Maybe he’s going through a mid-life crisis or maybe he’s just an ageist. Most likely women his age won’t put up with his immaturity. Don’t let yourself become the babysitter to his childish ways.

Instead of saying «I love you», he tells you he has «real» feelings for you. He elaborates to tell you his unemotional stance with you is purely a means of protecting both you and him. Don’t be fooled. This is to protect he, himself and only him. What are we in kindergarten? Does he need a thesaurus? I guess you should just be grateful he’s not chasing you around the playground and hitting you over the head to show his affection.

Mom still does his laundry.

Either Mom has her own professional cleaning business or he still lives at home.  (Oh yeah, and he drives Dad’s Saab and sis pays his bills.) You may want a roommate to help with the bills, but I’m guessing you didn’t sign up for sharing a room with the in-laws.

He tells you he has no money because he is starting over. This is a lot like when he invites you out and «forgets» his wallet. Did he really forget it or is it sitting empty in his dresser at home? Okay, this one is tricky. I am all for do-overs and second-chances and finding yourself anew, but when «starting over» began five plus years ago, that’s when you should be saying «check, please!» (And let him keep mooching off of Mom and Dad).

When he introduces you to his female friends, he tells you «I almost hooked up with her» or «everyone thinks we’re sleeping together». Translation: He wanted to have a thing with all these women, and when he finally realized they did not, he backed away (or more likely, when they finally realized his «true» intentions, they cut him off.) Why would you want to be with someone to who women are clearly a dime a dozen and any of them will do for him?

He talks about his ex-girlfriend constantly and as you might imagine, he’s got nothing nice to say about the last one to break his heart. Imagine what he’s going to say about you when you’re through? When he starts bashing his ex, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.

He says things like, «I wasn’t ignoring you, I was «choosing not to respond» when you ask him to do anything remotely responsible, like help out with your car.   Okay, so he’s purposefully ignoring you then? WTF. Whether he shirks off responsibility because he’s scared of failure, doesn’t want to grow up or he’s just plain lazy, you don’t want to be the one picking up all the slack down the road.

He feeds you some clichéd lines like how he doesn’t believe in sex without feelings. Are those «real» feelings he speaks of or perhaps, he just wants to get into your pants. I’m guessing it’s more of the latter.

He says «compliments to the chef» when his sexual excitement spills out a little too quickly (almost every time). If he’s not fulfilling your needs in the bedroom, ladies, do I even need to say more?

He «by accident» (Read: on purpose) sends you text messages «meant for a friend», implying that other «hot girls» are waiting in the wings.   Depending on what stage in the relationship this is happening, the guy either, one, is too insecure to tell you that he has «real» feelings for you, so he’s trying to make you jealous so you think you would be missing out on a chance of a lifetime with him. Or two, maybe he really does just want to see other people.

Either way this is so immature. And if it’s combined with any, or ALL of the above, cut your losses, ladies and don’t waste any more of your time playing these games.

I mean really, all joking aside, what is up with these guys?

They seem to say all the right things. They say they’ve never been with someone like you.   They say they want to get a job;  they feel bad they didn’t please you; and they say they want to have kids. When are they ging to grow up?  When did talk become acceptable for no action? Come on, ladies.

All these «ways» are selfish or immature in one way or another. Don’t allow yourself to become victim to his manipulation. He might not even be aware he’s doing it – but you can be! You deserve better. Don’t settle. There’s no one like you and don’t ever let a man make you think or feel different about it.